My Life is a Sober Living House - Day 3 and 4

And so the saga of my life continues. Quite honestly, I'm in a serious state of mental frustration, and on the verge of feeling very discouraged.

Yesterday I was offered the job I wanted, however, I had to turn it down due to the salary being too low. If I had taken the job, there would be no way I was able to live on my own in Waldorf and not struggle. With that being said, the reality is...I'm like 90% sure I'm going to have to give up Hazen and Marley. The idea alone just really saddens my spirit. I can't even imagine not having them around. *sidenote* I know this man at Border's better keep it moving...tellin me I need to take my laptop to the cafe b/c this area is for customers...A) I bought a drink, and B) I asked an employee if it was ok to sit here. Bet he left me alone and I'm still seated comfortably with my laptop waiting on the homie! This computer I'm in front of doesnt even work anyway. My goal was to get the job by the end of July (check), and work all of August so I could be in my apartment by September and get my babies (uncheck). Smh can we say fail?!

The lack of THC is making this all the more difficult to deal with, BUT I know I am committed to quitting this time. Last night my friend came to my sister's house, and we sat outside for about an hour talking and playing games. Sounds well enough, right? WRONG! Knowing I quit, and how hard I struggle with reefas...this man had THE WHITE BOY OF LIFE rolled up, sparked it, and took the entire hour to smoke it. I swear I wanted to hit that spliff so badly, but everytime I thought about askin him to let me hit it, I dismissed the thought and refrained. I never once hit it! Now to some of you that may not be big, but for those who personally know me, you all know that's monumental. Each time I quit I may not BUY any tree, but as soon as a blunt is in my presence or a bowl is lit...I end up hitting it, and there goes my quitting cuz I keep going. I'm proud of myself, and that one moment was defining for me...I can do this!!

What I will say is that my moods have been so blah! I'm very somber and melancholy. My patience thin. My temper is short. It's hard to be productive .I've slept a total of MAYBE 8 hours out of the last 48...it's bad! I think I slept 3 hours Monday, 4 hours last night, and had a 2 hr nap yesterday. I've been doing quite a bit of research on marijuana withdrawl since experiencing these symptoms, and found that it is all normal. Once I make it thru this stage I'm sure I'll feel great!

Eh...I'm tired of writing lol. Be back tomorrow :)

*hugs and love*
-iCandy