My Soul Crys

A lost soul,
A wandering spirit man;
I'm not quite sure how this journey began.
Somewhere between living right, and living wrong
My soul decided to take a stroll...
Away. From me.
And now I can't see.
My eyes are blinded, and I can't see the light;
I don't know how to regain control,
I think I forgot how to fight.
I used to pray every night,
but now I feel to God I've been slight.
And for what?
He's done so much for me.
How can I neglect Him?
How can I reject Him?
How can I disrespect Him and his Will...
For my life?
I'd rather live with suffering and strife...
or so it seems.
I really need Him to step in and intervene.
A path for my life He has foreseen.
One full of outreach.
One full of love.
One full of wisdom.
One full of devotion.
One full of forward motion.
Yet I still run.
Is this life of sin worth it?
No.
And I know this!
My fleshly desires..when will I dismiss them
and live for Him?

Skip Me With the...

BULLSHIT!

Exhibit A:

Me: Hello

Him: Candy...Can you tell my girl nothing's going on with us?

Me: Wait what?(I don't know who it is at this point, so I'm quickly trying to process the voice, and determine who I think it is)

Him: Well can you tell my girl you know I have a girl?

Me: Yes, I know you have a girl, but lemme tell you what's NOT 'bout to happen..This convo!...

I've recently been confronted with more than enough (1 is too many) situations like this. I got off the phone, and quickly began venting to Pink how I could NOT believe this man called me w/this crap! Whole time I'm thinking it's a friend I'd recently asked to tell me his actual situation...is his "folks" his girlfriend or is he really single? (An answer I wouldn't have known had I not been the one to ask.) It turned out it wasn't him, so I called every unknown # from Saturday back until I hit the jackpot:

Her: Hello

Me: Hi, this is going to be weird, but do you have a boyfriend?

Her: Yes, I do.

Me: What's his name?

Her: Wait, who are you?

Me: Candy...you two called me on Saturday, and I'm just trying to figure out who it was b/c I cursed my friend out and it wasn't even him.

Her: oh yeah, his name is Exhibit A...I just saw you texted him late one night, and was curious as to why?

*PAUSE*...You need to take that up with your man, first off! But I didn't say that...I was nice this time bc she was nice as well. And that's all ya'll need to know about the situation.

Alot of you are probably thinking, "Why would she call back?"..my response...WHY THE HELL NOT?! Here we have a man who clearly was half steppin'! Me and this guy rarely speak, and when we do it's because he hits me up. He informed me he had a girlfriend, and I was happy for him, and even suggested we not hang out/talk cuz I know how females are, but he had me believing she was cool w/us speaking...hell...I even thought the girl wanted to meet me or something bc he invited me over their apt for his birthday party prior to this phone call! I HAD to know who it was that called me, so I could cut him off! How you gonna paint a portrait of the wrong face for me?! If you KNOW you're THAT scared to lose your girl...to the point you callin other chicks cuz she told you to...you need to stop whatever foolishness you're attempting! Clearly you're not built for it! And honestly, had it not been for ME saying I respected his relationship in the first place...things wouldn't have even been plutonic smh.


Exhibit B:

I met a guy one day off some business thru a mutual connection...he had no idea what I looked like, and when I described my outfit before our meeting, I left out all physical aspects of myself. I simply told him what I had on. After meeting me he sent me a text wanting to hang out. At the time I was dealing with Young Gent, so I wasn't interested, but I saw no harm in chiefin'(my biggest flaw...not everyone's agenda is the same). We blazed a few times, and one day he asked could he come over and kick it (he had never been inside my apt)...him and his cousin. Boom...they come thru, and ask can they invite 2 girls...Bam...we all chillin playing Black Ops, and I keep hearing this ringtone, but I'm too far along the Milky Way to really pay attention. In the midst of this I see I have like 6 missed calls from a restricted #...I finally answer:

Me: Hello

Her: Hi is Exhibit B there?

Me: Yes, may I ask who's calling? (cuz A #1 why is a rando heaux (thanks @livnlavidavonna) calling me asking for you?)

Her: This is his wife (guess she wasn't a rando afterall, huh?)

*record screeches to a halt* (o_O)

HIS WIFE?! Now...this man told me he had been divorced for a yr and a half, and that his wife had done him dirty...blah blah blah blah BLAH! Married?! How does one lie about being married. Thanks be to God I'd never done anything with him beyond a friendly hug, but aside from that...A SINGLE WOMAN HAS NO BUSINESS HANGING OUT ON THE REG WITH A MARRIED MAN!! I felt bad. I can't lie. I wasn't wrong in the situation, and I ended up speaking to her also b/c she was going to leave him, and I could NOT let her leave him on account of me when him and I hadn't done anything.

That's neither here nor there...the point is: People have no respect! Period. As for people like Exhibit A...if you know your girl has a problem with you having female friends, don't have them if you wanna be with her. That's it, and that's all! One thing iCandy doesn't do is drama! Not just saying it to sound good...I'm serious. I will nip that malarchy in the bud...I'm the WRONG person to hope and pray I don't tell on you if you didn't keep it real with me up front! If you're bold enough to call my phone cuz you can't handle your situation at home since you couldn't keep your game tight...be bold enough for WHATEVER THE HELL IM GONNA SAY OUT MY MOUTH! My loyalty is not to YOUR relationship...yours is! I have no obligation to trying to help you keep your partner. I'm not saying I'm going to put you out there, but if the situation makes me look bad enough...yeah...I'm going to put you out there.

In the case of Exhibit B...smh the only thing to be said is trifilin.

I guess I'll do a Part 2 to this post b/c my next questions are about being Ms. Second Place, and why people don't understand why being the jump-off is an issue.


Give me your feedback...ever been blind-sided by some bullshit? Why do people do shady business and expect you to have their back, and sacrifice yourself when they're in the wrong?? I need to know!

*hugs and love*
-iCandy

Let Me Lay My Hands on You

Pink and I always discuss men being into crazy, abusive women. Men complain about their psychotic baby's mommas (u knew she was crazy before u knocked her up), and girlfriends that flip out and cut up, yet somehow they stay. These are the females that are cuffed. These are the females men (apparently) WANT! (o_O)...I don't understand it; however, I'm about to start laying hands!

A lil background info:

Up until now the idea of laying hands via a slap, punch, car keying, brick through 3 out of 4 windows so insurance wont cover it...all of that has been off limits. IM NOT CRAZY! I have had so many inappropriate things happen to me from past partners that all of this behavior would have been done and then some, had I been like most females. I try to rationalize things, and I don't feel like fighting or acting belligerent is really necessary. If you make me upset to the point that I haul off and He-Man Bitch Slap you, then we don't need to be dealing with one another. This seems like the best logic to me, but...IM VERY SINGLE! You know the saying...*in my hum-ho monotone voice* Good guys (and girls), finish last. Noone wants a woman that's not gonna get fiesty! Don't get it twisted...my mouth is enough to make a person wanna play in traffic, but I just don't go that extra mile. The buck stops there. No extras, no random spazztastic moments...the closest I came to any sort of "violent behavior" was a push and a tantrum!

Most of the females I know have stories about slappin' the piss out of their partners, or something else unheard of in my life, BUT they're partners stay! People (both men and women) seem to thrive off of a little bit of craziness. My issue is...what is a non-violent person like me supposed to do?! The Answer: Figure out a way to tell my conscience to shut up the next time I feel a burning sensation in my palm when a nigga pops slick out the mouth!

With that being said, it's sad that domestic violence exites the masses until it leaves a mark on the body. My conclusion is that slappin' (and the like) is necessary; just make sure noone can tell you're doing it!

*hugs and love*
Sincerly,
#PearlEmUpShawty from the SlapAHoe Tribe bka iCandy

P.S. - shoutout to my #Twomie @blueberrysleepy...he gave me the extra name :)

Back....Again

*looks around, takes in a deep breath, then smiles* Ahh how refreshing to be here once again. WHEN will I ever stop taking these ridiculous blog breaks, and get serious about blogging again? I'm not even sure how I manage to neglect blogging b/c it's something I truly do enjoy!

Well I've been sitting here for weeks now thinking about blogging, but am just now deciding to jump back in and write. Dilemma #1: What to blog about? After much consideration I've decided that this blog may be random lol (shoot me *shrugs). I want to catch you up with Who's Who and What's New with iCandy, BUT I also want to speak on my current disgust with where we ask blacks are headed, and how low our standards are! *scrunches face in disgust*

So I've started my locs!! I shed the weaves, wigs, tracks...WHATEVER, and am bearing my hair au naturale. Might I be the first to say...I LOVE IT! This sort of brings me to how black women are viewed in society and what's accepted as "sexy". In today's age everything is about being fake, or so it seems. Fake behinds, fake tits, fake hair, fake lashes, FAKE, FAKE FAKE FAKE, FAKKKKKKE! I'm over it!! It's like if a black woman hasn't done something to make herself look like America's Next Top Video Vixen, then she's not hot. WHEN THE HECK DID THAT BECOME THE STANDARD?! And furthermore, young girls no longer want to become the next....Ophrah, they want to become the next...Top Stripper =/ Huh? (o_O) I'm completely and utterly appauled by the things we have decided are the definition of successful! People are praising women for exploiting their bodies to become a low budget C-List celeb living beyond their means?! People personalities change because suddenly they got butt shots, and now they're the hotness? What happened to respecting our bodies, and being humble? I'll be the first to say I've been a victim of living the fast life, and exploiting myself in ways that I shouldn't have, BUT I truly see a problem with living that way! I'm glad I'm getting my life in order, and no longer feel I need to be living like a freakin' millionaire before it's my time! I'm not in a rush to have too many things. I'm completely alright with climbing the latter of wealth and life the way it was intended to be....all while gaining respect and dignity along the way. I aspire to be married with children one day, and I want to be a role model to show that life can be grand without taking the sideways route to get there.

I digress, one major thing I need to inform you all of is that I moved to VA, NOT to MD as I initially blogged. This move happened randomly, and has been a great experience. If any of my old blog followers ever end up reading this, you will know I was cool with the blogger named Pink. Well...Pink is my roommate now!! This is our 2nd time living together, and it's going great! We have 2 dogs...Haze'n (Haze n' Honey Dutches -I had her already), and Marley (Madame Marley Purple Hazington). I love it in VA, and I'm still saving money on rent.

I guess that's it for this blog. I'll update you more over time =]

*hugs and love*
iCandy

Men Talk More Than Females

So over the last few months I've come to realize that men run their mouths more than females. What made me want to address this in a blog, you ask? Well...one of my best friends/roommates (we will call her Pink...you may remember her from blogworld) is attracted to this guy (we will call him Mr. S) who has a girlfriend and just so happens to be cousins w/Young Gent. She has already made up in her mind that she is NOT going to fuck him, but he still comes around and blazes with us.

Today Pink calls me, and reveals that all day she has been trying to refrain from telling me that Mr. S is supposed to be coming over this weekend while I'm gone. What she didn't know was that Mr. S had already told Young Gent, and Young Gent had already told me! So her "juicy" tea she had to spill was ruined b/c Mr. S had already run his mouth! Now he's DEF not getting any poon smh. #FAIL

I had a similar situation happen to me recently. I was asked about someone I had fucked back in the day. The question was, "Was it good?"....My response, "It was mediocre, but we were both drunk, so I can't say it was bad. I did it more than once so it couldnt have been TOO bad". Well when I said this I was in the company of one of his friends. That friend went back to one of their mutual friends, and told him, and that friend went to the guy I said it about, and made it seem as if I said his sex was terrible, then I ended up getting cursed out, and some more shit!

WHY DO MEN TALK SO DAMN MUCH?!


I could have sworn women were the ones known to be unable to hold water! Smh...there's a lil bitchassness in a lot of men, and they're alot more emotional than I ever realized...I just gotta keep it real. Shut the heck up sometimes, and get out your feelings #imjustsayin!


*hugs and love*
-iCandy

Sidenote: I'm superman stoned at work =)

All Things Considered

Well well well...it's been quite some time since I blessed the blogworld w/a new post. Alas, the wait is over...


Let's jump right in. This blog is going to be ALL OVER THE PLACE (I think)!! I will start by addressing my current "love life"...So...I asked CB 1 question that changed my entire mind frame: Has your heart EVER went pitty pat, or have you EVER gotten butterfly flutters in your tummy at the thought of me? I asked for an honest answer...one that wasn't going to spare my feelings. The response: I've never felt butterflies, but you do have feelings for you that a basic chick couldn't give me.

************************PAUSE************************
Now...this statement (upon further inspection) reveals that CB is pretty much just trying to keep me in the pocket.

The latter half of that statement reminds me of a pure player, and I don't wanna think of CB that way, but it is what it is. Do I believe CB does feel a lil extra for me...yes! Do I feel CB feels extra to the point that we could ever be anything beyond friends...NO! Does CB want to straight up say that...NO! CB wants to keep me dangling with the possibility that one day we could be. With that being said, I can't keep halting advancements w/Young Gent in hopes that CB will come around - Sure I've said this before, but I don't think I really MEANT it before, and I half-way don't think I mean it now (smh @ myself for this gargantuan crush). CB seems to have some sort of little hold on me. Something about CB is just so undeniably spectacular, but why try to invest in something that doesn't seem like it'll have a positive payout in the end? Clearly, the response given to the question I asked was all I needed to accept that fact that CB and I will NEVER BE ANYTHING more than friends and maybe a fuck. It's sad, but true.

Sidenote: CB if you're reading this...I will ALWAYS want you in a way that you don't want me, but I'm being a woman...an adult woman, and accepting that. I don't want you to string me along anymore cuz I'm very hip to game, and I know you don't think you're playing me, but you're playing me. Our friendship means more to me than my crush on you does...so...I'll always be ya HPBOFA (can u figure out that textcronym lol), and I'll always have ya back.

Alright blog fam...that's it for me. This wasn't as all over the place as I thought it would be.

*hugs and love*
-iCandy

The Blog Urge

Well well well...it's been quite some time since I blogged, and well...I feel wrong. Just plain WRONG! So much has happened, so many good things, bad things, great things, birthday things, realizations, i dont give a damn moments...alot of stuff you all needed to know!! My apologies.

Moving right along...let me just make this blog about Artscape. So Artscape is a music/arts festival in Baltimore. I had never even heard of it until Saturday night. My Besti Butt Cakes was like, "dude, we should go to Artscape to see Rebelution tomorrow, and get fucked up before we go!" So...you know me...hell yeah I'm down to ride!!

In the midst of all this festival excitement, I find that Wale is performing RIGHT AFTER the band we wanted to see. Instantly I got extra hype. So Sunday morning comes around, and I drank a brew off the early morning...like 11am or something, then BBC (Besti Butt Cakes, not Big Black Cock lls) and I headed to Linthicum, MD to meet her friend from the All Good Festival, D'Albers. Prior to our heading out, we smoked a blunt (keep track of the blunts).

Along the way, on the train we took a few shots of Jager, and drank a few lil bottles of wine (the personal sized ones). We also met some cool ass motherfuckers that were going to Artscape too...they became our journey buddies lol. Once we got into Bmore we smoked a blunt (thats #2 on top of all the drinks). We blazed right out in the open while jammin' with this tight band!

Long story short, we smoked a couple white boys in the crowd w/some hippies...met back up with the cool motherfuckers, ROLLED A BLUNT IN THE CROWD AND SMOKED IT, and all this happened BEFORE Wale. With that being said, by the time Wale was supposed to come on I was FADED and we left lol, so I didn't even get to see him perform.

Although I missed Wale, Artscape was an epic triumph and I can't wait to go to my next festival!!!!

*hugs and love*
-iCandy